Somewhere in the shadows

Many of us are quick to judge a book by its cover and often bring in this mind-set into our relationships, you see a lot of singles around, young, bold, beautiful and strong and everyone starts throwing the words good men/women are hard to find. The simple truth is good men/women are very easy to find because they are right in front of our faces we just refuse to see past our nose.

A typical example I often give is with me and my better half, truth is the first day my half approached me, I disliked him instantly. He was far from my preferred ‘type’ and was actually the total opposite in what I usually liked in my men, so instantly I ruled him out. However being the person I’ve known him to be now, he never gives up on what he wants and fights to the finish to make sure he gets it. It was in his fighting to the finish approach that I fell in love with him and I cannot even think of what my life would be without him now. That is not to say I was desperate, as I had other guys on my case which I assumed were my ‘type’ but which all fell short. That single act of me telling myself to give this guy a chance and see where it leads has earned me some good years of friendship, romance, peace of mind and happiness.

Needless to say; don’t rule anyone out, you just never know, give people a chance to prove their worth to you, it is better you try and make mistakes than not to try at all and it is also always better to mess up than miss out completely. I personally believe that the ‘my type’ stereotype is absolutely immature, that should have gone with your teenage years when it doesn’t really matter if you miss out on love completely as you have many years ahead of you. I can only imagine that what springs up in women’s mind will be the count of sexual partners they might incur with this trial and error mood and that is where you go completely wrong. Sex only last minutes no matter how much you lie to yourselves that you go for hours, the pleasure of sex only last for a few minutes, the rest is exercise, hence you can run a perfect relationship without sex being involved so hold yourself till you find what it is you’re really looking for. Apart from it saving you a handful of heartaches, it also saves you the worry of stds, pregnancies and abortions plus you are better starting off as friends because eventually when the sex becomes tired that bond of friendship will keep the fire of love burning.

Why get broken in two all the time by your ‘typical type’ when the real deal is always there to console your teary eyed self?  I have friends both male and female that have people in their lives dying to have a relationship with them but they already put these people in the ‘not my type’ category but always get burned by their ‘general type’, I’ll type here the same thing I said to a friend; ‘your idea is not always your ideal’ in other words simply broken down as: the best thing you think is for you may not be the most favourable thing for you after all. If you keep getting the same result from every relationship you enter into, don’t you think it is time to start trying things outside your box to see if it will work out? The whole logic in life is to learn from mistakes and not keep repeating the same mistakes over again. Another friend of mine has many girls at his disposal, a good guy with a well-paid job but he keeps missing that special bond he wants in a woman, we both agreed he widens his horizon as sometimes sticking to the norm gives your total happiness a limitation.

 

As it is always best to take time out to get to know people whilst putting it at the back of your mind that no one is perfect including yourself, the fact that we all come from different walks of life and background gives room for different views. You have to work together on what you agree and don’t agree on, check on the pros and cons of the behaviour parallel to yours, if it is something you can live with, give it a try, no harm in that. If it turns out it is something you cannot handle, move on from it and start giving yourself room enough to assess the next person but whatever you do don’t  lie to yourself, don’t  be superficial or shallow and don’t sell yourself short. Life is full of choices and the ultimate choice you should be making is the one that will guarantee you happiness even in the heat of any moment.