You're single cos' you're scared of being single!!!

Contrary to popular believe that you’re single because you haven’t found Mr Right. Right? Wrong! The position you are in today is based on the twist of your perception on how you presume you should be living by now.

Your best mate is married with two kids, your younger sister is getting married in two weeks, you can’t seem to find the right guy, the right guys already have right girls for them, you’re lost in the land of the confused and you’re wondering if there is an exit out of there.

Maybe if you were not too scared of being single you’ll be in a relationship now. Problem with that is when you find a guy that is right for you and ticks all your right buttons, you seem to do everything wrong. Women are so scared of losing the ‘right’ man they have in their heads are the ideal man for them that they lose all integrity by dropping all their guards in the quest of making ‘it’ work.

You should always have this at the back of your mind; anything that is rushed in will be rushed out. In the end, all you want is marriage, so why rush into it? You have the most years of your life to spend with an individual so why hurry at all? except you’re worried about your ticking calendar for childbirth but the truth is naija girls really don’t think about the child bearing, their utmost priority is attaching the title 'Mrs' to their first name. So I ask you politely again, why the rush???

Material heads

If your first impression of the ‘right’ guy is one that gives you a ride in his brand new Honda car and calls you later to ask if you got into bed safely without knocking your head on the banister, then strap on your seat belt for you’re in for a bumpy ride, ‘right’ isn’t defined by flashy rides, fresh haircuts and sweet nothings. So you quickly jump into the relationship and start cruising around with him in his Honda car, he’s taking you to all the fancy/fun places, showing you off to all his friends, taking you out to eat, hanging out with you for two weeks straight, not forgetting that he is always getting all the nookie he wants from you because after the 21^st call he had placed to you by the 3^rd day he had won your pussy trophy.  You’ve been having so much fun that you forget to analyse and ask where all these is going and then something mysterious happens; he stops picking your calls, he’s always in a meeting, he’s become really busy, he has to cancel your cinema date and can’t drive all the way to your house. So now you start making the effort; Since he stopped calling, you start calling. Since he can’t make it to your house, you find your way to his house. Since he stopped inviting you out, you start inviting him out. You become more and more desperate to get back the attention you once had from him. You make excuses in your head for him as to why responsibilities have changed, you convince yourself that you’re too hot for him to let go (after all you were always on  point all the times you hung out, not forgetting how all his friends couldn’t take their eyes off you) and before you know it, you’re single again.  Need I say that ladies need to be able to tell the difference between a guy with potential and a guy that just wants to fuckall? but of course a lot of ladies  are too carried away with materials that they fail to get that crystal ball out and look into the guy’s future. It’s not the guys that make you single, it’s the champagne, boat cruises, flashy cars and the fear of being alone that got you cornered into you worst nightmare.

Are you a single wifey?

Not all women are materialistic and shallow but all women like to have the finer things in life. A lot of smart educated and simple women are single, it is a wonder why all your relationships never make it to the sixth month when you are so grounded and well cultured. You are considered ‘wifey material’ by all your male friends but apparently all the guys you date don’t share that same notion about you as you are still single. Yet all your ‘bad bad’ friends are either engaged, wedded or in a serious relationship. One advice…take it easy, loosen up, be open minded, and stop over packaging yourself. Don’t be too quick to show you’re smart (you know you’re smart that’s all that matters) otherwise you’ll outsmart yourself into his bed and then he’s done with you. Just have fun and don’t give your nookie for free. If you’re giving nookie, make sure you don’t regret if a relationship does not come out it. Give nookie on your own terms and don’t make it leverage for a relationship. Remember, it takes two to tango. 

What’s your perception of Mr Right?

Let me hook you up on a date with two guys

Guy 1

Profile:  Alright looking guy, drives a Datsun car, earns a decent salary and has a lot of business ideas in his head.

His assets/potential (what you don’t know): he is saving up to start up his business, he is not lavish, and he likes you enough to want you to build his dreams and empire with you. But obviously you can’t see that and after the first date you don’t pick his call.

Guy 2

Profile: good looking guy, drives a bmw, earns a decent salary and plans to pop champagne every Friday night.

His asset/potential (what you don’t know); he has never had a savings, he is broke the 4^th day after he gets paid, he’s only real asset is his bmw car and he is still getting leftovers from his exes. 

Who will you go for?

The potential of a guy should not be judged by what he is bagging materially, you need to take your time to know what is in each guy’s head, shove your material instinct at back of your mind while accessing a man. The smartest chicks are the ones that smell potential 10yards away; it makes you wonder what she sees in the guy. He has nothing you can see, he’s not the finest guy, and you don’t even consider him smooth talker enough to talk you into giving you a lift on a rainy day, but still your girl is determine to stick with him. No one is saying you don’t deserve a rich man in your life, let’s not deceive ourselves. But what do we really want? A rich boyfriend or a rich husband?

So slow down…let your friends marry, let your sister get married, allow your older cousins tease you but be single because you are taking time out to choose wisely, not because you’re too scared of missing out on a ‘good man’ that you’re jumping into bed with all your ‘potential’ lovers and remaining in the singles zone.