Jail Bird

 Ever been in a relationship with a liar? It could be really frustrating when you know everything that comes out of your lover’s mouth is fabricated and even more tormenting when you just can’t call them out. I have a friend who lies so much you can’t but question her very existence; almost like if you poke her with a pin she might disappear because whenever her mouth is curled up to tell a lie I look into her eyes with a peering squint and believe in my head that she is a figment of my imagination. However, in this post I am going to generalise for all of our sakes.  

A few weeks back I was watching a reality program where the lying lover here was the man.The guy told so much lies that he believed his lies and there was no way you wouldn’t believe him too, until a scene came up where his best friend was shot and in hospital on a near death experience.  Unfortunately before then his best friend’s lover confessed to her lover that she had sex with his friend (the lair) before they got together, just to clear the air before they go any further in their relationship.  While on the hospital bed in a near death experience the best friend told his friend (the lair) that he knew about the affair and he wants to put it behind them with no grievances.  Being the pathologically liar he is, this guy looks his friend straight in the eyes and denied anything ever happened even though the girl was seated right there in the room. His best friend was almost as shocked as I was it was just unbelievable. So I ask; have you ever been in a relationship with a pathological liar?

I once dated a liar, this guy will lie and swear on his mother’s life. The problem with dating a liar is they force you to believe their lies and sooner than you think you start questioning your own truth and before you know what’s going on it all gets swept under the rug to add up to the already bulging pile. Unfortunately, the easiest people to enter into a relationship with are liars and the hardest people to come out a relationship with are still lairs. Only because they will say everything on and under the surface of the earth to get you on their side and often time you fall and fall and fall again for their sweet and sour stories. My ex got married and I wasn’t surprised when another friend told me that he mentioned he didn’t know what tribe his wife came from until after they got married. I guess he met his match eh? All the best to the both of them, I wish them a happy lying life. lol!

How does one get out of a lying relationship? Truth be told the only comparison to it is sinking sand or quick

sand or sharp sand whichever one you call it. The more you try to get out the more it pulls you under and with every pull you get dug in deeper, it just gets worse. The saddest part of all these is everyone around you can see that your partner is a lying Pinocchio which you already know but that fast growing nose is blocking the clear vision of your perfect exit. These might well be the worst experience for you yet especially when things can sometimes get cosy and all rosy. Here’s my take; just be truthful and honest with your-self and believe in your truth, to be honest I think that’s the only way, you need to know the truth and stand by it, it’s the only way you wouldn’t get swayed easily. I was lucky enough to know my ex was cheating through some ‘F.B.I scrutiny’ but to be honest I already knew the relationship was going nowhere I just needed a very strong cause (and a saw to chop off that Pinocchio nose trunk) for my exit.

To manage the situation you could consider giving yourself some space from this toxic person, it will help you think clearly at least enough to plan your exit. I have learned that there is no right or wrong way to handle a relationship; what applies to Paul may not necessarily apply to Peter and people handle situations in different ways. Although one thing remains right; your happiness, like I will always say; find your happy spot and remain there so long as you’re happy that’s all that matters but if you are unhappy don’t stay in one position praying for change, you will only remain miserable and in the long run depressed, always remember; change only comes when your change your rotation.

Lasting love*

‘It was a rainy day and Ifeoma had banked on spending the night at Kenneth’s house since it was two stops away from where she was having her interview appointment the following day. Unfortunately, there was no one to open the door and all attempts to contact him had failed; both his phones were switched off. Funny thing is Jide who always knew every of Kenneth’s where-about was lost for words as to where he might be, although interestingly enough his car was sitting there right in the middle of his compound starring back at her. Now the question is where the hell is Kenneth?

I just had to start with that scenario so you get a vivid imagination of the direction of today’s post, it’s not a true story but it’s also not far from the truth. 

It’s been too long since I last blogged… argh… believe it’s been such a busy year thus far haven settled

finally into a very fulfilling/happy marriage and a starting progress into my future plans, I can now rest a bit and gradually come back to the things I love to do just for the fun of it. Whoever said marriage was a bed of roses obviously has never been married but guess what; together you can plant your own roses atop your bed and when you are doing that remember there are also thorns in roses, don’t think you will get a smooth ride every day, just ensure you water your plants so you can bloom so beautifully and the thorns will be easy to forget.

Back to today’s post…how do you handle a cheating partner? Is cheating even supposed to be handled? That was rhetorical. To be honest I will be lying if I told you I knew but one thing I know for sure is that self-confidence will allow you have a clear head on what decision to make. The main assumption of a start of any relationship is a possibility of it leading to marriage and therefore we all base most decisions we make in any relationship we are in in favour of whether or not we want to end up with the person we are in it with. A lot of the time these decisions are based on selfish reasons. I.e. wealth, sex, comfort, freedom, status, acceptance, importance. No need to break them down, am sure we all can think of one or two scenarios where these examples fit in perfectly. However, most of us don’t put into consideration that not everyone that wants to be in a relationship necessarily sees marriage as the goal to reach. Quite a few people in actual fact just want to be in a relationship for the heck of it. That’s where you find the theory of ‘least interest involved’ which is simply that the person least interested in maintaining it will dominate it because they won’t compromise. They will not compromise on their appetite for the opposite sex, they wouldn’t compromise on the time they would like to spend with their friends, they would not compromise on their sleep during stormy nights and they would definitely not compromise on any decision they want to make for themselves.

Take the illustration in the opening of this post; let’s assume that Kenneth knew that Ifeoma had an interview appointment the next day and was to sleep over at his house. By the way, the whole idea is that they are in a relationship. We can also assume that Kenneth knowing all these still decided he wanted a quickie at his house with his colleague from work who always had her eye on him. Now suppose Ifeoma eventually gets to know this, what then is the way forward? If you have ever followed my blog am sure you know by now that I have my take on things, here’s my take; obviously Ifeoma should be gutted for several reasons, one the importance of the reason she was there in the first place, the fact that with was raining, the fact he knew she was coming, the obvious fact that they are supposed to be in an exclusive relationship. Those are the more reasonable line of thought to go by right? Sorry to disappoint you but not everyone thinks this way. If you catch yourself in any type situation like Ifeoma and the first thing you think of is what you did wrong; then you will probably end up in a marriage with a certain Kenneth in a miserable home. If the first thing that crosses your mind is who the girl is and if she’s more beautiful than you then be ready to be a slave in your own home cause unfortunately if you start that way, you will never measure up. 

I think the first thing to do in a situation like this is have clear head, hard as it may be it is very important. Your partner did not think about you when making his/her decision so it’s time to think about yourself. Ensure that at that point in time you focus and deal with the very important things ahead, like your interview, channel your mind on how to plan for your immediate future like getting out the rain, getting home and organising how to make it to your appointment the next day. As for your partner, only you know exactly why you are in a relationship, so make your decision based on that. For all you might know, it could well be that he went home early because of you, was really tired and fell into deep sleep as the rain began. That’s another way of saying be patient enough to explore all possible scenarios before your mind starts to wonder, trust should be paramount in any relationship, always give your partner benefit of doubt.

In other words, enter your relationship with a free mind and see where it leads, it may or may not work but a 

free mind will help you think straight and help you get what exactly you want. You will notice that people who enjoy their relationships the most are those who know exactly what they want. One thing you should never compromise on is your happiness and do not hesitate to let your partner know this; in your ways, in your actions and with your reactions. Know that whatever you choose for your self is what the world identifies you with. If your partner knows that your happiness is key and you don’t compromise it, he/she will have no choice but to do the things that keep you in a happy state. Not to say you should be selfish with it but be reasonable enough not to hurt some else just to keep in your happy state. Never lose yourself completely to any relationship, remember you are an entity on your own, you have to bring something worthwhile into your relationship to make it last. Nobody likes to carry anybody’s burden, give your partner something to be proud of you for, your success is their success and they will brag more about it than you will.