What’s love got to do with it???

If you ask a couple with an obvious gap in age difference how they balance their love life to merge their ages
considering the difference they all have a standard answer ‘age is just a number’ and love breaks all barriers. From others stand point ‘love becomes blind’ but is love really blind? And does love really break all barriers? Love has escalated through the years from mere emotional attachments to benefits in the long run. These days love is just not enough. The real definition of love is ending up with who benefits you the most. Trust me the game of marriage for benefits is no longer one sided, the men are actually leading the race and have remained on the forefront for a while now.

SLAVE TO LOVE

Hello good morning to you. If you visited my blog in the last week you would have noticed a few changes. The very important one is me announcing to write a post every Monday morning to take you through your week.  Yesterday the 8^th of December was my birthday, my first as a wife and my husband made it nothing short of fabulous, I had a blast!!! Thanks sweetie I know you would read this, like I said yesterday, you are the best of the best; I love you to eternity and back…mauh! Now let’s do what we came here to do.

MONDAY MORNING POSTS!!!

AM SORRY I HAVENT POSTED SOMETHING IN A WHILE BUT STARTING MONDAY THE 9TH OF DECEMBER YOU WILL READ SOMETHING NEW EVERY MONDAY MORNING. THANKS FOR STOPPING BY X        

REBOUND!!!

The easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone else, until 3 years down the line you are still getting under someone else and unfortunately you’ve been under 7 ‘someone elses’ and yet till not over that someone. Now settle down… the only thing rebound is good enough for is easing your mind for a period of time and helping you believe ‘you are too hot to be cold’ (lol! sorry I just had to say that) except for one thing though; that heartbreak left your heart cold enough to be stone and too scared to open up to love and be loved in return. The only rule to finding true love is to be true to yourself, there are no rules to avoiding heartbreaks but the rule to surviving it is by admitting you are broken hearted. The first pain that strikes your heart when you realise you’ve been played is the shame that surrounds it. You start to think of every reason why you held the short end of the stick, you can’t imagine why a mere mortal cannot see you for the amazing person you are, you begin to remember how much effort you put into the relationship just to make it work and how that will seem pointless now to the third party listening because in as much as everyone says you will be fine, something rings constantly in your head telling you; ‘you just weren’t good enough’.

THE LOVE STORY BEGINS...

Too many people are single, men and women both. It is disheartening, the number is staggering and the situation is very critical. Fortunately majority of the singles have the hope to settle with someone someday be it through love or convenience, which ever way, that doesn't really matter. Unfortunately both sexes are making the same mistake; having too much analysis on the opposite sex. Read my words carefully...no one is a specimen of your relationship practical therefore you cannot get your future result NOW.

EVEN IF IT TAKES FOREVER...

‘Am gonna wait for you even it takes forever, ever, ever everrr’…Lemar’s wait forever song blurred out my speakers. By now you all know music is my greatest inspiration, my iTunes is my muse and Lemar’s words opened a new world of thoughts of men. You know what? When a man wants you, he wants you forever. I direct a lot of my posts to the ladies because in the relationship world ladies often get the shorter end of the stick and wonder why it is so. You want to know how waiting for you forever rings true in the man’s world? Think of that guy that has loved you since the day he laid eyes on you. To be honest at least 8 out of 10 women have that guy. Although he has become the ‘brother’ guy, the ‘very good friend’ guy, the ‘can do anything for me’ guy the 'even if it is at 3am and he has to drive 2miles to take you out because you just realised you’re bored kinda' guy They are often there even after you get married and you find yourself calling them when you have troubles. They are there even when they get married to access the new guy on your case and see if he’s good enough for you. Although you fail to see this, they will love you till their dying day whether you end up together or not. Everybody has true love in their sphere the question is how many people are fearless enough to take the bull by the horn?

You have love flaunting itself and throwing itself on you but was love fair enough to you? Sometimes cupid can be so horrible, the people it targets its arrows on are just not the ones we want for ourselves or maybe the guy you wanted dodged the arrow, maybe he bent to pick a pin, maybe,  just maybe he didn’t want love or maybe sadly enough he didn’t want love with you. ‘Bad boys ain’t no good, good boys ain’t no fun’ like Mary J simply put. The fact of the matter is you missed out on true love and now have to settle for conditional love, a ‘substitute lover’ like Estelle puts it. Well I am not writing for you to cry over spilled coffee, I mean since you’re in a ‘situation’ relationship now, you might as well make it work for your own good and hopefully make up for your lost dream. The most important thing to get by with is trust, respect for each other and great communication. With these you both can move a mountain and create a new dream.

The issue of trust goes beyond just suspecting that that girl at his work he’s always chatting with on the phone is he’s side chic. Rather it’s in your psyche; someone raised the issue of checking messages, emails, passwords and records to see if he’s not straying. This era where locks are on everything; the doors, the computers, the phones, the ipads, and even the man it is hard to tell how many people have the keys. I’ll say this technically if he hasn’t proposed to you, he’s everybody’s man, and as far as it goes he hasn’t promised you anything. His word is the only bond you have, hold on to it and leave the phones and passwords alone. The locks are there for a reason, often times the locks were there before you came along and he may not even be thinking about it in the way you are.

There is a reason for everything and a time and season for everything, if you’re comfortable enough to give

the man you’re dating your password, remember that this was your choice. You’re not in the position to impose your beliefs and choices on others. If he shares his with you; good. If he doesn’t; respect his privacy. It may not even be women it could be there are family issues he doesn’t want you knowing about. He could be protecting you from stressing yourself over women who want him and he wants nothing to do with. Basically he has not reach that comfortable place you have reached to share some things with you. Give him time, the time length doesn’t matter, it’s the mind that matters. It could take him 2weeks, it could take him 4years but it doesn’t mean he loves you less.

Checking his messages and call logs would do you no good, any cheating man is smart enough to delete any of these records, and you will never find what you’re looking for. If you do find what you are looking for, it means you always knew it was there to find and now that you’ve found it, am sure you also know what to do with it, I can’t help you here; I wasn’t the one snooping around. To be fair though, there was a time I had no password of my man’s business, now I have all his passwords, his bank pin, we share one ipad that am with 98per cent of the time and I see all his emails and transactions plus balances first hand, I didn’t even have to ask, the wisest way to get what you want is to act like it means nothing to you, trust me it will be handed to you on a platter of gold. Another thing you shouldn’t do is answer his phones; if the person wanted to speak with you they will call your phone, after all if you weren’t there the phone will ring and nobody will die if it isn't answered. Wonder why there is a call log that tags ‘missed call’? I bet you never thought about that.  Bottom line is everything you want to know about your man with good patience and trust, he will tell you himslef, slowly but surely so put your mind at rest.

Make a U turn.

Fellow readers and bloggers am so sorry I havent blogged in what seems like forever, Ive been so busy planning my wedding,  am getting married next month (May) that starts tomorrow and being that am particular about how I want things, am planning my wedding myself from another country. So I was watching cheaters and a woman contacted Joey Greco to help investigate her man as he was suspected of cheating. They did, the confrontation came and it happens she was actually the one the man was cheating with as he already had a wife. I would have felt sorry for this woman if she had just simply walked away but she ended up embarrassing herself by pulling on the man, bad mouthing the wife and getting bloody fooled by the man who simply said their relationship was just based on sex and he loves he’s wife to bits. 

It is not your fault that 6months down the line it turns out the man you call your boyfriend already has a wife,
it is your fault if having discovered this you continue the relationship because you just sold your rights to be loved and treated with respect. From the moment that man knows you know that he’s been lying to you and you seem cool with it enough to continue the relationship with him after crying and kicking, you just entered an entrapment. Now he has peace of mind to eat his cake and also have it because not only are also going to be in a relationship with him and his wife but you will also be involved in protecting the wife from finding out he is cheating with you. i.e shutting up when he’s on the phone with her and making sure you wipe any lipstick stain off him. To you you’re keeping the man you love by forming alliance with him making you think you’re closer to him than his wife, to him you’re just another whore he fucks for free (pardon my French).

Its so unfortunate that the ratio of men to women has a very large margin but it is also your responsibility to move from hoe to housewife. If you keep dating men that already have women because you’re too scared to be single and all alone, you’ll always be single and all alone. Wait! Did you really think he was going to leave her for you? Think about it this way, if he wanted to leave her, he would have left her before he even met you. How come 6months down the line he is still thinking of leaving her? One thing I know for certain is that men never lie to themselves, they only lie to you. Stop comparing yourself to his woman, no matter how you see it, she is still better off than you. She is not in the dark of his life like you are and society will respect and sympathise with her even after she cuts your head off, you lost the battle either way, even before the fight began.

There is no rule or regulation on how to avoid a cheating man but the most sensible thing to do when you find
out you are being used is to step aside and swallow your pain whole. It will save you your image and give you the opportunity for better luck next time. I know it could be really painful when you discover that the loving person you’ve started to build your life around and see a future with already has his future going for him, it takes guts not to bite off your own lips from the confusion and pain and courage to dust it off to start over again but you can do it, so long as you are not silly enough to get pregnant for him or are you? First of all you are not even supposed to be having sex before marriage but who are we deceiving? Only a few people don’t have sex before marriage, therefore let me put it to you in a way we can all relate to; you are NOT, I repeat; you are NOT under any condition or circumstance supposed to be pregnant for any man who isn’t you husband.


If you get pregnant for a man you are not married to, you set up a brand new life for yourself separate from the one you have all planned out in your head. It could go in so many directions, he could marry you then  hate you for dragging him into marriage before he was ready, you could find out in fact he's already married with children of his own, he could break up the relationship based on him not being ready, he could propose to you and years after the baby is born you are still engaged or you could get married and  live happily after. It’s too much of a risk to take in other words, gone are the days when a woman could lure a man into marrying her by getting pregnant, men are getting wiser now and if you’re not the one, pregnant or not, you will not be the one. So don’t fight for what was never yours in the first place, everyone gets their chance at love. Today you could be the side chic, tomorrow the main woman,, so  focus on the prize and set your own standards,

The truth untold

Happy New Year to you all, it’s been so long. I pray we see many more years to come. With each New Year we have new resolutions and quite a few backlogs that we wish to accomplish before the new year runs out. A lot of singles in their mid-twenties put marriage and love at the top of their list. Although it is worrying in what order this is placed. Is it love before marriage, marriage before love or just marriage...forget love? I have a feeling love may even be thrown out completely but here is my little take on the matter. Love still exists, not the fairy tale Cinderella type love but the realistic one. The one you work for, the one you work with and the one you try all your possible best to maintain.

The absence of these three is what makes love non-existing, I believe in love but I do not believe in love at first sight, to me that’s just plain lust. As fair as it is for you to wish for a knight in all white suit, white horse and a shiny armour, it is also fair for you not just to package yourself to become Cinderella for your prince charming but to actually be Cinderella. Bottom line, if you want prince charming;  be Cinderella, and not one of the step sisters who pretend to be Cinderella. For in the end, you will be caught out and cut off that wonderful life you dreamed to live.  Life is give and take and if you’re expecting to take, please give first, love at first sight is lust and a fallacy and as Eve was made out of the ribs of Adam so were you formed out of your future husband to be his helper and companion. What good is it for a man to find you when you are in bad shape? If you want to be a queen, be ready to be Queen Elizabeth because that’s your ambition and not his. 

In as much as men have terrible reputations for breaking hearts and telling lies it takes you for a man to show true love. Men are built for hunt and women are built to be captured, it is the natural order of things. Truth is men seek love harder than women actually do and that is why they run through so many women before they eventually settle for ‘the one’. Ladies, first impression last longer than any other impression, you cannot dress and dance like a striper and expect a man to see you as the wife he wants to introduce to his mother; in his head he only has one wish and that is to have you give him a lap dance. So if he’s hounding you and texting you and sexting you, he wants his lap dance. Same goes to meeting a guy for the first time and acting so rigid and all business like; he will treat you like a business contract and set a target and goal for it. That takes away from the fun and interest of actually getting to know you, it becomes more of a mission and once that mission is accomplished, it’s on to the next one.

That is not to say when you eventually settle with the one you had your eyes on you should settle for a sick dude. I say sick because there are so many ways in which a man can use to torture you. I mentioned on another post that some men weirdly enough do not know if they really love you until they have sex with you. So whether it is 6months or 2days you wait their true self will come out. A friend of a friend decided she’ll wait before marriage to give it to her man, after the traditional wedding she gave it to him and that was the last she heard of him, even in the bible Absalom was madly in love with his half-sister until he eventually raped her after which he hated her much more than initially loved her. only settle for a man that respects you, one that corrects you with love, one that you can learn from and a make that carries you along every step of the way. Bottom line is sex is not a guarantee for love so don’t base love on lust and never mistake the one for the other.