Make that decision count!!!

So I sit here listening to Raheem DeVaughn’s ‘she’s not you’ and it gets me wondering, It’s such a beautiful song but I can’t help but wonder about the flip side of a coin of that song. A lot of ladies are trapped in self-denial of believing that a certain lady is not good enough for a man but keep wondering what the hell he is still doing with her. Note: if a man is claiming to like you a lot and has a woman he claims is not good enough for him, who has been there for so long and is still there after 6months months of you seeing him; you are the side-line and would remain that. The most interesting part of relationships and life these days is that the women are against each other and in support of the men. How will you discover that the person you are sleeping with has another woman he’s sleeping with and you’re angry with the other woman? Like really?

I often say to friends that I wish more women thought like men; a typical man knows exactly what he wants and does not compromise on it. A man can be fucking a woman he does not give a shit about, though she may be a good woman to be fair but once his mind is not there, even if he fucks her for 10years he’s never going to put a ring on it because he’s not in tune with her being his wife. Women need to get with the in-tune program. Although It’s kind of difficult not to fall in between that line of keeping faith and self-denial 1) you want to keep faith and be hopeful that one day, one faithful day he will pop the question 2) you know that faith is a $400million gamble but you still place a bet anyway and lie to yourself that you’re the best thing that happened to him after French toast while he is still fucking his colleague at work. Ok agreed men do the approaching and men determine the ultimate walk to the alter but it shouldn’t be so difficult to spot a tiger in a white room, you should know if a man’s heart is not in-tune with yours and move on from him, it all boils down to a little determination and a lot of self-confidence. You have to believe you are the best creation God ever made and stay true to that word.

I have a friend in his mid-thirties who has a fantastic business, beautiful house, nice cars and even comes from a wealthy family. He was going with his chic that is in her early thirties for 3yrs before he was eventually pressured to propose. After proposal it took him to be pressured for another one and a half years before he agreed to do introduction. Since the introduction he has shifted his wedding like 3-4 times now, so now we‘ve all stopped asking. I have a very clear view of what is going on because I and he talk heart to heart. He is seriously looking for a way out but would not let her go until he finds a replacement but she is willing to hold on to her hopes until he eventually marries her. Bottom line is even if they eventually get married happiness will be so strained in the home. Why should anyone agree to string along? There are more than five million people in the world and your husband doesn’t necessarily have to be him. Your husband is not the first person available enough to ask you to marry him, he’s is not the finest guy with the high paid job, he is not the champagne popping present buying lover you have, or that brother that seems to be so holy in church, your husband is that one person that makes your laugh even when there is nothing but garri to drink in the house, the person you can share the silliest petty detail of your day with, your husband is your greatest ally, your husband is your best friend.

Don’t focus on the other woman, channel that energy to yourself and what you want out of life. Come in agreement with if you want a figurehead/public face husband you have kids with and attach yourself to or a friend that makes you happy in and out. You know the irony of our parents time and now is; in those days most marriages were kind of arranged and they didn’t really date for too long before they married, these days people date for long, either settle after searching for someone else to no avail or date for long break up and 4months later marry someone totally new to the picture and end up as house mates and baby making partners forever. Only a few marriages these days are in good shape. Forget what anybody tells you that marriage is hard and a lot of work, they married the wrong person, marriage is lovely and fun and happy, true love stories never have endings. Of course there will always be disagreements and misunderstandings, you have times like that with even your parents, siblings and very close friends but it shouldn't be something that breaks your heart totally or something enough to make you want to commit suicide; figuratively speaking.

Take your time, choose wisely; have a God eye view of things: that is to say...see beyond the naturally human vision then make your choices. I wish you all peace and happiness in the coming year. Let this year go with all your mistakes and heartaches and start the New Year on a clean and fresh slate. Trust I will be there to help you boost that courage that leads you to your final happiness, Happy New Year.

Somewhere in the shadows

Many of us are quick to judge a book by its cover and often bring in this mind-set into our relationships, you see a lot of singles around, young, bold, beautiful and strong and everyone starts throwing the words good men/women are hard to find. The simple truth is good men/women are very easy to find because they are right in front of our faces we just refuse to see past our nose.

A typical example I often give is with me and my better half, truth is the first day my half approached me, I disliked him instantly. He was far from my preferred ‘type’ and was actually the total opposite in what I usually liked in my men, so instantly I ruled him out. However being the person I’ve known him to be now, he never gives up on what he wants and fights to the finish to make sure he gets it. It was in his fighting to the finish approach that I fell in love with him and I cannot even think of what my life would be without him now. That is not to say I was desperate, as I had other guys on my case which I assumed were my ‘type’ but which all fell short. That single act of me telling myself to give this guy a chance and see where it leads has earned me some good years of friendship, romance, peace of mind and happiness.

Needless to say; don’t rule anyone out, you just never know, give people a chance to prove their worth to you, it is better you try and make mistakes than not to try at all and it is also always better to mess up than miss out completely. I personally believe that the ‘my type’ stereotype is absolutely immature, that should have gone with your teenage years when it doesn’t really matter if you miss out on love completely as you have many years ahead of you. I can only imagine that what springs up in women’s mind will be the count of sexual partners they might incur with this trial and error mood and that is where you go completely wrong. Sex only last minutes no matter how much you lie to yourselves that you go for hours, the pleasure of sex only last for a few minutes, the rest is exercise, hence you can run a perfect relationship without sex being involved so hold yourself till you find what it is you’re really looking for. Apart from it saving you a handful of heartaches, it also saves you the worry of stds, pregnancies and abortions plus you are better starting off as friends because eventually when the sex becomes tired that bond of friendship will keep the fire of love burning.

Why get broken in two all the time by your ‘typical type’ when the real deal is always there to console your teary eyed self?  I have friends both male and female that have people in their lives dying to have a relationship with them but they already put these people in the ‘not my type’ category but always get burned by their ‘general type’, I’ll type here the same thing I said to a friend; ‘your idea is not always your ideal’ in other words simply broken down as: the best thing you think is for you may not be the most favourable thing for you after all. If you keep getting the same result from every relationship you enter into, don’t you think it is time to start trying things outside your box to see if it will work out? The whole logic in life is to learn from mistakes and not keep repeating the same mistakes over again. Another friend of mine has many girls at his disposal, a good guy with a well-paid job but he keeps missing that special bond he wants in a woman, we both agreed he widens his horizon as sometimes sticking to the norm gives your total happiness a limitation.

 

As it is always best to take time out to get to know people whilst putting it at the back of your mind that no one is perfect including yourself, the fact that we all come from different walks of life and background gives room for different views. You have to work together on what you agree and don’t agree on, check on the pros and cons of the behaviour parallel to yours, if it is something you can live with, give it a try, no harm in that. If it turns out it is something you cannot handle, move on from it and start giving yourself room enough to assess the next person but whatever you do don’t  lie to yourself, don’t  be superficial or shallow and don’t sell yourself short. Life is full of choices and the ultimate choice you should be making is the one that will guarantee you happiness even in the heat of any moment.