BE IN CONTROL.

When I look at relationships, especially marriages I see that most times the difference between a very successful married woman and a housewife somehow, somewhat boils down to the man’s insecurity. A lot of men don’t take it very well when they see their women doing well and the likelihood of the woman doing better forces some men to tame their wives into becoming redundant and sole dependent on them. Don’t go and be believing that it is because he is madly in love with you and that's why he doesn't want you to work, for just like a plant in which you have to water in order for it to grow, it also has to grow to keep you interested in watering it. I strongly believe that man’s greatest fear is his woman getting carried away on who the head is in the home. It is your duty as a woman to secure, protect and massage your man's ego enough to make you live a fulfilling life and have a peaceful happy home. You can run a successful empire and still maintain a very happy home by being a good planner and keeping at the back of your mind that you are still the woman in the home.

Lets think about it this way, say you are married to the most caring man, loving and totally giving but the only thing is he wants you to be a stay at home parent, making your duty taking care of the babies and preparing meals. If you will rather do that then that’s absolutely fine but if you are not happy with the idea of doing that then don’t be complacent about it. Communication is key: so have a series of discussions about the situation, strike a deal with him to let him see you are adamant about staying home and if he still insists,  register for professional courses and take professional exams or start a petty trade business, you persistence will make him eventually realise that your passions are relevant to. Don’t just accept and stay home without doing something that will generate income, do anything to make him understand that you really don’t want to be a stay at home parent and that you will enjoy making some money too.

Imagine this; there is no profession or business your man is in that he wouldn’t have a female colleague who is equally married and is even as active if not more active than him. She probably competes on every level with the men and is thoroughly admired by them including your man. There is no way a part of him will not compare her to you at some point in his heart especially if she is a very decent hardworking woman. Then maybe he is driving home thinking of how brilliant this woman is one day and how totally lucky/proud her husband must be, what do you think his thoughts will be when he comes home and as soon as he walks in the door you greet him with a sweaty face and strong smell of food talking about how hectic your day as been? I predict ‘irritation’! and before you know it you end up having a heated argument to the point where both of you have no idea why you are fighting and this can linger on and off with different anger triggers for as long as the root cause of the problem remains. 

It is in your place as a woman to give your man something to be proud of you for to keep the fire burning and the same goes for the men too. Trust men to say whatever when they are head over heels in love like ‘baby I don’t want you to work/suffer, I just want you to take good care of you but the reality of it is that he will get tired of bearing all the burden as anybody would and all that sweetness will gradually turn sour when reality sets in. Though the initial intension may have been pure but life will always bring up challenges and in those challenges everyone needs a shoulder to lean on. Remember that even if you came out of university with a first class if you don’t constantly develop yourself, you risk being shoved aside in this fast growing global world we are in. There is no profession too hard for you if you put your mind to it and there is also no profession that doesn’t have women in it, so why would you want to be redundant by limiting yourself?

I have seen quite a number of unhappy women who have fallen into this trap, at the initial stage they are happy and proud that their husbands are the sole providers of the home and speak quite proudly to sometimes make their girlfriends a little jealous but as time goes by they find that they just sit there, nag for money and wait till it is given. Unfortunately, they’re already in so deep and possibly to late to want to start competing in the professional/financial/business world. In fact bringing up such a conversation with the man at this stage will seem like a joke with every possibility of him laughing in your face. So the earlier you have these ironed out in your relationship, the better. A man will say anything when he is ‘nookie high’ it is in your best interest to maintain the fact that you are not comfortable just being a house wife (thats if you are not) and totally dependent on him. There is no joy your man will have like him knowing when the chips are down he can fall back on you for the main time while waiting for things to build up again. It brings you two closer, as partners, lovers and support systems, so please get up your lazy behinds and find something/anything legal and clean and lucrative to do.