MANIPULATION*

You see…people who are good with words can get away with most things they want and they strive in relationships. Picture someone saying ‘I care a lot about you…a lot’ but you two are still not in a relationship. So now because the other party ‘cares a lot about you’ you run with that and end up doing what lovers do except this is not love boo, you’ve been pushed into a tight corner and before you know it your relationship status is ‘it’s complicated. No it’s not, you’ve just been manipulated.

The worse kinds are emotional manipulations, where your heart just gets tortured based on the fact that you believe this individual truly cares about you. Do you know that sometimes when you break up with someone it’s not you really breaking up? Sometimes you were manipulated into doing the breakup maybe because the other party was so bored of the relationship and didn’t know how to tell you or vice-versa. Like Chrisette Michele sang in ‘blame it on me…as long as it’s over’, all the while you thought they were acting funny that might have just been another one of their tactics to get you frustrated into leaving. This just makes me remember one time I was dating some dude in college and frankly there was no point cos we lived very far from each other and went to different colleges. I was bored of it all but he was such a nice guy and having tried everything I could to manipulate this dude into breaking up with me and even lying that I kissed some other dude just because, he still wasn’t getting it. Unfortunately after a few months I had to come out straight and just tell him that I was done. Not the nicest way but it is what it is, everyone gets broken hearted… I’ve cried my share of broken hearted tears too. So hey!

Back to the plot, I’ve seen women who have been manipulated so bad that they can’t even see the smoke even if it was on top of their nose. I use to know one girl that would spend all she had on a guy that cared nothing about her. I noticed he was only nice to her whenever he wanted something like a week before he comes to see her and when he comes into town to spend a few days with her, those few days she’ll take him on shopping sprees and buy him lots and lots of designer gears. He’ll treat her like the queen of queens only for him to leave in a few days and their story would go sour again. Money has been one of the major backbones for manipulators and has played a major role in love. Honestly, the unofficial/unspoken/abominable language of love is money and it works both ways. If you know how to spend it, you would never run short on love and if you know how to manipulate your way into someone who has its’ life, you can never run short on ways to love.

The Ultimate is when someone is clearly willing to be manipulated just because they want to remain in love. The greatest human love you can ever have is self-love, I don’t know how much more I need to say this but if it takes me saying this with every post I write I will. Once you can carved a niche for yourself to be loved by you at all times, love becomes sweeter. People will take you for what you take yourself to be; If for instance you decide to sleep with anyone because they said ‘I love you, you’re going be eventually labelled a slut by quite a number of people and If you decide to be miss independent every time, you’re going to remain independent for a very long time because the signal you are sending is ‘you don’t need nobody’. I see how there can be a bit of conflict in what I have just written but let me break it down. Simply put, life is in stages and each stage moderately fits into its purpose, this is why a child must crawl before he walks.

When your heart is emotionally unstable and you cannot be without having someone to complete you, its easier for you to jump in bed with one too many persons within a short period because the minute the other party picks up the vibe of insecurity off you, they run with it and before you know it you’re being manipulated into believing what isn’t and sooner or later it becomes ‘complicated’. Nobody wants to be referred to as a slut and a lot of this people being referred to as sluts end up being some of the nicest, loyal and kind hearted people there are but unfortunately the constant struggle to find fulfilment has left them being stigmatised and an obvious target to be manipulated. My take on this? Find fulfilment within yourself. Lol! As always.

For Miss Independent, don’t work yourself to the grave. Note that boredom gives room for depression and depression can sometimes lead to suicide and that ends you in the grave. Finding fulfilment in yourself doesn’t mean shutting everyone else out; it means you are confident enough to make the right judgements for yourself; it means being confident enough to give someone the chance to prove their love, knowing that even if you are in too deep you can find strength to gather your thoughts and make the best decision for yourself; it means being open to love and be loved; it means being able to comfortably communicate your thoughts in order to avoid unnecessary relationship frictions. It does not mean you should have you head up in your ass each time a dude says hello; it doesn’t mean you should feel you are better than everyone else because you have an amazing job; it doesn’t mean that you should always challenge your partner because both of you are bringing home the same size bacon; it doesn’t mean you should always want to take the lead; and it definitely doesn’t mean flashing your wealth in your partner’s face just to spite them. Most importantly you need to enjoy being pampered, everyone knows you can pamper yourself but it is important to let the man be the man otherwise the message you are passing across is ‘you don’t need a man’ and we all know you do, so please loosen up and give those batteries a breather.