SLAVE TO LOVE

Hello good morning to you. If you visited my blog in the last week you would have noticed a few changes. The very important one is me announcing to write a post every Monday morning to take you through your week.  Yesterday the 8^th of December was my birthday, my first as a wife and my husband made it nothing short of fabulous, I had a blast!!! Thanks sweetie I know you would read this, like I said yesterday, you are the best of the best; I love you to eternity and back…mauh! Now let’s do what we came here to do.

Over the weekend my husband and I dabbled into a few relationship situations and had discussions on them

which inspires the post of today but I’ll focus on the most striking of all. The situation of a woman helping her man when he is down and when he stands on his feet he dumbs her and marries the next girl. This has really had a mystery in my heart till very recently. I’ll tell you this from a woman’s stand point, since it’s a man’s world no matter how women try to play the independent ‘I can do better what any man can do’ role, do not…and I repeat, do not waste you sweats, blood and finance on a man that is not your husband because often times you get the shorter end of the stick. Until you have been made his wife, you are just another Good Samaritan that walks along his way, it is not a determinant for marriage. The true self of we humans they say is only determined when you are rich enough to supply your wants and needs. So helping that poor guy to pay his tuition, part of his rent, his car loan, his food and clothing wouldn’t cut it for you as you don’t expect him to say no to all your help when he needs it. Think about it this way, you are not his mother. If you weren’t in his life, he will do just fine.

I am not saying it is a bad thing to help, please don’t quote me wrong, what am saying is if you are helping simply to fast track your way to being his Mrs, then you are running a already defeated race. As a married woman I’ll tell you this; men have ego and this ego simply encourages them to want to put on the whole amour called ‘MAN’ (the supplier, provider, and the head of the home). Quite honestly from my stand point, I have not witness I man getting married to the woman who helped him up and living happily and simply with her afterwards. it’s either he dumbs her when he is up and marries another, or date her for so long  even when he eventually gets money, he talks of nothing marriage until she gets tired and dumps him then he marries another. Sometimes he may even marry her for pities sake and have extra marital affairs thus leaving her with an unhappy home.  Like I said, this is from my stand point, now the people around me may be horrible, selfish and have no hearts but even the bible says that the heart of man is desperately evil and the same bible tells us to do good without expecting anything in return. So can you truly curse a man you helped thinking he would marry you and didn’t? 

Like I mentioned earlier, men have egos and they want to be MAN in their home, the minute you take MAN away from them…the same minute they start to look for another woman who see them as MAN.  No one wants to be reminded of their weakness, especially men and women always want to nag about this time and that time and remember this time and that time. He doesn’t want to be reminded of when he had no food in his home and you fed him from your pocket for 3months…that’s emotional blackmail, or when you gave him the last money in your account to him to pay for his finals…that’s emotional blackmail. What you are doing is making him your emotional prisoner and everybody wants to be free. 

Unfortunately you doing him all that good doesn’t really meet the cut of being MAN for him, for in as much as lots of men might say they want a woman who reminds them of their mother, they don’t really want you to be their mother…they can’t sleep with their mother can they? So please leave the providing duties to his parents if you’re not his wife.

The first step of liberating himself from you will be his financial independence and when he gets that, he changes towards you, things start to go different, and his attention starts to shift gradually. If he is kind enough, he lets you feel uncomfortable enough to break up with him, if he is harsh enough he tells you plain and simply that he cannot marry you for one dumb reason or the other. I remember a friend broke up with his girl of four years after getting his ‘emotional liberation’ over her not being catholic…like seriously?  So a man would rather start from scratch with a woman who doesn’t know all of his weaknesses or continue with a woman who knows his weakness but doesn’t seem to notice them nor call him out on them. Bottom line; he doesn’t want to be reminded and when you start reminding him, you’re carving out your own exit.

As usual here is my take on things, do good not expecting anything in return; no one wants to be forever

indebted to anybody. When you are helping your man, do it with love and respect not that you are giving him money and in the same instance asking him when he is going to bring his parents for introduction. He knows the right thing to do and when the right time comes he will do what is right. Give out of friendship, give out of love and always hope for the best. Remember that as many singles as there are, there are wedding ceremonies every weekend. With patience, selflessness and a pure heart you too will be celebrated, have a fabulous week… peace love and happiness.